I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
