I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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