At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
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My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
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pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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