I'm passing your future prison.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
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