My friends, they love my intelligence
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
