it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
