haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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