marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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