even my farts smell like vagina
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
