There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
