I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Even my vagina gasped.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
