He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
