I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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