ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
