i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
