dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
