i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
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