I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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