upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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