This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
