my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
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