Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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