You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
