His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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