I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
