mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
