We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Randomize
