he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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