Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
