Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
