Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
