She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
