Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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