Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
