from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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