is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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