If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Drake has all the answers
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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