You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
