Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
