How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
