one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
