I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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