alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
