he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
