There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I've blown a few things in my day
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
