Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
