Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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