Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
He did a backflip because drugs
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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