Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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