i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
