the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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