drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
