Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Randomize
