Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
