I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
