mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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