im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
