K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize