so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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