Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
