I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
