She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
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I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
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You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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