I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
