I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
