Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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