then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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