Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
