I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
