Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
