What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
