Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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