Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
